


i breathe you in (so sweet and powerful)

by sweetinyourmemory



Series: a love as pure as this [2]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Flirting, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of it, Relationship Development, Second Date, Shoni - Freeform, Teasing, Toni Is A Tease, shelby opens up about struggling with her sexuality, they were made for eachother, toni is a supportive and protective angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28459836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetinyourmemory/pseuds/sweetinyourmemory
Summary: “So now that we’re alone again…”, Toni initiates, with a little smirk. “How’d you like kissing me? We haven’t really talked about it, after the whole, you know... lychee find.”“Wasn’t that clear enough for you?”, Shelby asks, shaking her head and smiling shyly.“I mean, I like to get my interpretations confirmed,” Toni replies, persistently and seeming to enjoy the flirting.Or the one where Shelby and Toni go for another, much needed, walk together, and it’s their first time alone after their first kiss happened. Shelby opens up to Toni, and Toni is an angel about it.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: a love as pure as this [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2084433
Comments: 7
Kudos: 153





	i breathe you in (so sweet and powerful)

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend playing the song Wildfire by SYML during reading this, it fits perfectly and I actually wrote most of it while listening to it :)

It’s the golden hour, the most graceful time of the day, as most people would call it. Toni and Shelby are going for another walk, searching for more food. But it’s clear that for both Toni and Shelby, the walk is more than just that. They have been in need of these little intimate moments together ever since their first kiss happened, two days ago. No one found out about the kiss. They would be surprised though, if no one has noticed the sexual tension between them. The eye contact they make with eachother whenever they’re all sitting together, it’s that tad second longer than what would be considered friendly, meaningless. Whenever this happens, Shelby looks away, shy and a little nervous that the others might notice, but she can just feel it that after she looks away, Toni doesn’t move just yet and that her eyes stay fixed on her. Even if it’s just that short, tiny second longer, she can feel it. The warmth of it, it almost burns her, in the best way.

Yesterday evening they were sitting by the fire, just talking about everything and nothing with the other girls. Martha, who was sitting between the two of them, got up for a few minutes because she had to go for a pee. Shelby would’ve almost thought she’s imagining it, the fact that Toni kept trying to shift closer to her secretively, whenever the rest were distracted and laughing. She would laugh just as loud, louder even, then repositioning herself so that she’s closer to Shelby. Then she would move her head to Shelby’s side quick, to see if she noticed it. She wanted her to. And she did, she would look at her one second and then looking away but it would be enough for Toni to know she means “girl, stop it”, but in the most flirty way, meaning the opposite. She actually couldn’t have her close enough and the tension felt fiery, even without any touch. It’s when Toni positioned her hand so close to Shelby’s leg, that she realized what a damn tease she is. She hated and loved her for it. 

“So now that we’re alone again…”, Toni initiates, with a little smirk. “How’d you like kissing me? We haven’t really talked about it, after the whole, you know... Lychee find.”  
“Wasn’t that clear enough for you?”, Shelby asks, shaking her head and smiling shyly.  
“I mean, I like to get my interpretations confirmed,” Toni replies, persistently and seeming to enjoy the flirting.  
“I mean… I liked it.”  
Shelby watches Toni’s reaction, half offended, half skeptical of her teasing. She raises her eyebrows, stands closer to her and looks deep into her eyes.  
“Just kidding, I loved it, l-o-v-e-d. That clear for you?”, Shelby asks, trying to sound all witty and cute.  
“Mm”, Toni shakes her head, grabs Shelby’s hand. “Want it clearer.” 

Shelby feels like she’s exploding with butterflies. God, she thinks, I’m so gone for this girl.  
Toni pulls her closer and gives her a soft kiss at first, a little peck. Then she pets with her hand over Shelby’s cheek, and pauses for a few seconds. Admiring her beauty, her fondness. But also wanting to see how she reacts, if she would take the first step too. Not because she wants to see if Shelby is ready – she is, she can feel that – but because she wants her to take control over her. She usually is more the dominant type, but right here, right now with Shelby she feels so damn vulnerable and wants to be taken care of, loved entirely.

“Fuck,” Shelby says, trembling.  
“What?”  
“You’re so damn beautiful, I-“ 

Toni looks down, trying to hide her shyess. This girl even has the ability to make me feel shy, damn, she thinks.  
Shelby lays her hand on her jaw and grabs it, softly but at the same time so confidently. Where did this dominance come from? It’s like she could sense her wishes, that’s hot, she thinks.

“Fuck”, Toni whispers. She puts her hand on her side delicately and squeezes it, pulls her closer, wants to feel her as close as possible. She desperately wants to lower her hand more, but she doesn’t know if that’s too soon and so she doesn’t.

After a few minutes of alternating soft and passionate kisses, Shelby pulls back and then pulls her in again, for a hug this time. Her hug feels full of love, and relief, at the same time.  
“How do you feel?”, Toni asks her with a sweet tone, wanting to make sure she feels safe.  
“Good”, Shelby replies, “Safe.”  
Toni’s smile widens, still having her head resting on Shelby’s shoulder. She hugs her tighter. “Good. I do, too.”

After they continue their journey, both looking content, Toni stops at some point. “Uh… I need to pee.”  
“Go ahead,” Shelby replies, smiling at the fact that Toni sounded a bit shy saying this, even though it’s not the first time they have peed in eachother’s company. But it felt different now, safer but also more intimate. It feels like everything they do together now, is their first time. 

Shelby turns around, the way she did the first time. “Performance anxiety, right? Should I sing for you again?”  
Toni giggles. “Yes, please.”  
Shelby takes a few short seconds, but when she starts singing, she sounds determined about her song choice. 

> “ _Darling please, take my hand,  
>  Please get up, rise to stand, I can’t be the one to sing your song…  
>  ‘Cause I believe, it’s not your fault,  
>  Don’t be scared, you are my rock,  
>  Nothing’s gonna hold you down for long…_”

Toni smiles at her beautiful voice but frowns at the lyrics, even though Shelby doesn’t see that. And so she continues. 

> “ _In good time, you’ll come to know,  
>  When you release, when you let go,  
>  You can find yourself where you belong,  
>  You’re not a curse, you’re not too much,  
>  You are needed here, you are enough,  
>  And nothing’s gonna hold you down for long_”

Even though Toni is still feeling very fondly over her soft voice, a somewhat confused expression appears on her face, as she asks, a bit giggly: “That sounds a little depressing, which song is it?”  


Shelby blushes. “It’s called _Wildfire_ , by _SYML_. Lowkey relatable right now.”  
“The fact that it sounds depressing?”, Toni asks as she gets up from peeing, unable to hide that she sounds a little worried. “Do you mean it relates to us? … I mean, you and me.”  


“What, no! I didn’t mean that,” Shelby says, reassuring her and almost wanting to hold her hand but she pulls back. Toni notices it. “I meant the wildfire part, since… we’re in the wild.” 

Toni nods, but she could sense it that that’s not all that’s on Shelby’s mind. Maybe the song means more to her. She wants to ask her, but she doesn’t want to cross any boundaries and wants to respect her space. 

“I listened to this song a lot when I… I-“, Shelby stumbles over her words, seeming nervous.  
Toni lays her hand on Shelby’s shoulder and lets it slide down her arm, petting her in a soothing way. “You don’t have to tell me, you know that right?”  
Shelby nods. “I want to.”

There’s a silence, but even though they’re both a little nervous, it’s still a comfortable one. Toni grabs Shelby’s wrist softly, to gesture that they should maybe sit down. They do. “Take your time.”

She does. “I listened to this song a lot when I started to struggle with my… um, sexuality. I first started to think I might not be like, straight, when I was fifteen. I had a new boyfriend every now and then, which might sound silly, the fact that I kept getting into relationships when I wasn’t even sure of my own sexuality. I mean they weren’t serious ones anyways. But like, it was part of the whole like, process, for me. I wanted to be into boys, but I didn’t want them, at the same time.” 

Shelby pauses and swallows. Toni nods softly, showing that she completely understands her and also respecting the fact Shelby might not need any actual words right now, but just someone who listens.

“And all these girls were so jealous of me, because wow, I got to date all these “hot” guys, who wouldn’t be happy and head over heels? Well, I wasn’t. They were hot guys to them but for me they were just… I tried being into them, loving them even, but honestly I couldn’t. I was like, physically unable to. I have spent basically that whole year thinking something is wrong with me, that I was incapable of loving someone. I cried myself to sleep every night, not even exaggerating. Sad thing was, though, that I didn’t even let myself think about the fact that maybe… I’m just into girls. Surely it was in the back of my mind somewhere, hidden, but it was so hidden that I wouldn’t even let myself consider thinking about it. If that doesn’t perfectly describe in what kind of a homophobic environment I grew up in, then I don’t know what does.”

Toni can hear the pain in her voice, she feels so bad for her. She wants to hug her, touch her. But Shelby makes her feel like her presence alone is already enough, in this moment, and so she just stays making eye contact with her. Hoping that Shelby can see the love in her eyes, the gratefulness that they hold for Shelby opening up so much to her. It means the world to her. And she hopes that her body language alone tells her already that she’s here for her, and will be here for her no matter what.

“And yeah, nothing really brought me joy anymore. I thought about it when I went to sleep and when I woke up. It was awful. Would I ever love someone? Would someone ever love me and would I ever be able to return that love to them, and actually feel good about it? Would I end up alone? I was so scared, Toni.  
And my dad, oh my god. He literally had appointments at home for kids who thought they’re gay, or well, who probably were gay. They would come with their families and he would, pray for them or whatever. Healing them. Literally how fucked up is that, oh my god. It makes my goddamn skin crawl and makes me want to genuinely throw up.”

Toni sees a tear falling over Shelby’s cheek. She shifts closer to her, looks at her and gently wipes off her tears. 

“Then, at sixteen, I started to look at girls. Or well, let me correct myself, I started admitting to myself that I looked at girls. Looking at them and feeling things that I never ever felt with boys before. It brought me back a tiny bit of that joy that I have missed out on for God knows how long. And don’t ask me how I managed to do this, turning the page like that, I would’t know, but I started to accept, or tolerate, the fact that I might be into girls. My parents don’t know, I feel like they would never accept it, especially my dad. And it hurts me so much, it pains my heart so bad and it frightens me. But at the same time I’m so, so happy that I started to have peace with it within myself. Since, um, recently.” 

There’s another, comfortable, silence. Toni smiles, through her own tears now, and lays her hand on Shelby’s. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

Shelby’s face totally lights up, her fondness radiating through her tears. The butterflies she feels are indescribable. She can’t believe Toni just called her baby. Fuck, I might be in love with this girl, she thinks. 

“The reason I started to have peace within myself, is... you”, she then says, and holds Toni’s hand, which was still laying on hers the whole time, waiting for the moment where it would feel right for her to start actually holding it.

And in this moment, she’s sure she has never seen Toni smile the way she does now. A smile full of love, pride and contentment. She intertwines their fingers. 

“I’m so honored.” A pause. “But babe, it’s also you. Especially you.”

Babe, baby, I can’t anymore, Shelby thinks. She rubs with her thumb over Toni’s hand and in return, she can see the effect that she has on Toni, the way she becomes so shy, like a soft puddle of love. If she only knew the amount of butterflies I’m feeling right now, Toni thinks, they’re insane, fuck. 

“And the song, there’s one part of it, that I always wished I would be able to relate to so much that I would sing it to someone. That I would find someone who’s worthy of it, because they… she, would make me feel that way. I would always become sad whenever I imagined it because I thought it would never happen to me. But now…” 

Shelby looks fondly into Toni’s eyes, and she’s so gone for the way she looks like such a shy, little cutie right now. She’s even more gone for the fact that she sees her pupils dilating again, which Shelby knows – hopes – means that she’s so attracted to her. “What’s the part?”

Shelby grabs Toni’s hand – they’re still intertwined – and pulls them so tightly together, brings them to her mouth and gives it a kiss. Then she lets go, puts that same hand on Toni’s cheek. 

“ _I breathe you in, so sweet and powerful,_ ” she sings, and pulls Toni in for a sweet, loving kiss, “ _Like a wildfire burning up, inside my lungs_ ” 

Fuck, this girl can’t be real, Toni thinks. “You’re such a romantic,” she says, giggling as she pulls her in closer and makes out with her, passionately.

“I know, baby,” Shelby replies, with a proud little smirk, and pulls her back in and kisses her like she never kissed anyone ever before.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the second part of my first fic “never seen a love as pure as it”  
> Please leave me a comment, it means the world to me (because I’m new to this and compliments really make my day ☺️)
> 
> in case you wanna read more of my fics: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946364/chapters/71026851 💕


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